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Build Better Boundaries
You care about the people in your life, but you feel deeply responsible for their feelings. And you're exhausted.
BBB is a 6-week video course that teaches you how to stop carrying other people's feelings, so you can start putting yourself first with a lot less guilt.
*Reopening on 31st May*
You don't mean to make everything about everyone else.
You just notice when they’re off. You feel it when they’re disappointed or uncomfortable, and you can't settle until they're okay.
And it's not that you're too sensitive - you struggle to separate yourself from their moods and feelings because how they feel is directly linked to how you feel.
When they’re upset, especially if it's connected to something you did or didn't do, it doesn't just sit with them, you feel it too. You go over it, try to work out what you did and how to get things back to normal. You can't fully switch off until they seem fine again.
And you never put yourself first because you feel responsible for the impact on them, leaving very little space for you.
You've tried to change this already.
Maybe you've explored therapy or tips from books and podcasts.
But as soon as you think about prioritising your needs, you're calculating how everyone else will feel. And you put them first again, because it makes you feel less guilty.
Maybe this feels familiar:
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You make sure everyone has what they need before you can let yourself relax
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If someone seems off, you automatically try to work out what you did to cause it and how to fix it
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You feel literally sick if you think someone might be disappointed or upset with you
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Someone not replying in their usual way takes up far more of your headspace than it should
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You go over your conversations, checking you said the right thing, gave enough, weren't too much
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You feel guilty cancelling plans, saying you're too tired, or just taking an evening to yourself
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You're starting to resent the people you're working hardest to keep happy, and you feel guilty about that too
People tell you just need to say no and stop caring so much about what people think. And you wish it was that simple.
But when people's feelings feel like your responsibility, putting yourself first feels wrong, no matter how many scripts or strategies you have.
Because prioritising their feelings isn't really just about them. It's also about you.
When they're okay, you feel okay. When they're not, you're on edge. Keeping them happy isn't only something you do for them, it's also how you keep yourself feeling calm and your relationships feeling safe.
And your exhaustion isn't just from giving too much. It's from putting so much energy into managing the emotions around you, just so you can relax.
There's another way to care about the people in your life, where their feelings stop controlling your decisions.
Where you notice someone's off, and let it stay with them, rather than taking it on as yours to fix.
Where you make a choice that's right for you, and trust yourself enough to follow through.
Where you tolerate someone being disappointed, and don't go back on what you need.
Where you cancel plans just because you need to, without overexplaining yourself to be understood.
And it's not about caring less, just carrying less.
How Build Better Boundaries helps
BBB is built around The Safe Boundaries Framework, a 3-part process designed to help you regulate your feelings independently of other people, and make putting yourself first feel safe rather than scary:
- 01
- 02
- 03
Feedback from previous members:
Julie
"I am a total people pleaser and struggle to set any boundaries, especially terrible guilt and fears of rejection if I do prioritise myself. But this morning I had a migraine and actually had the guts to message to cancel something instead of dosing myself up with painkillers and dragging myself there! Loving the course."
Nicola
"I've always been a people-pleaser and found setting boundaries tough in terms of the emotional worry and guilt. The concept that other people's reactions are their responsibility has helped me take responsibility for mine. I genuinely feel OK looking out for myself and my own needs now - realising that other people in the world don't expel the same emotional effort and toil over decisions in the way you do is liberating. Caring about yourself doesn't automatically equate to not caring about others."
Alison
“I was 66 and still not able to say no - I thought there was something wrong with me, I felt I'd lost my sense of self and felt relief almost immediately that this course would help me. I now feel able to pause, and create choice for myself over how I respond to others. I can still be gentle and kind, but also realistic about my own energy. I didn't think I'd ever be able to stand up for myself. I've been gently amazed at how it's been possible for me. The lessening of resentment is wonderful".
I'm Elsie, the Psychotherapist behind BBB
For nearly a decade, I've specialised in working with people who can sense how others are feeling almost before they've walked into the room.
If that's you, it's probably not just about being caring or conscientious. You're attuned to how the people around you feel because it directly impacts how you feel - and somewhere along the way, keeping them feeling okay has become the price you pay to feel okay yourself.
I created BBB to help you find healthy separation so you can prioritise yourself with a lot less guilt. Not by making you less caring, but by helping you work out where you end and everyone else begins, so their feelings stop consuming you, and you finally have some space for yourself.
This isn’t about becoming selfish, just including yourself in your circle of care.
I'm excited to support you!
Here’s what you get when you join BBB:
6 modules · 16 video lessons & audios · 12 worksheets · 13 tools & resources ·
Including:
✦ The Safe Boundaries Framework ✦
✦ The Secret Boundaries Framework ✦
✦ The Spoken Boundaries Framework with word-for-word scripts ✦
✦ The Guilt-Free Grounding Toolkit ✦
✦ Your Safe Boundaries Blueprint ✦
Plus direct email support throughout & unlimited course access to start and revisit any time.
*Booking reopens on 31st May*
You've spent a long time making sure everyone around you is okay. BBB is 6 weeks to do the same for yourself - without losing the care that's always been part of who you are.
Payment options:
Join the interest list to get first access, £100 off and the chance to book a free 1:1 session.
Feedback from previous members:
Anna
"I was feeling responsible for other people's emotions and actions, and feeling disconnected from myself and my own needs. I was feeling heavy and stuck, and I now feel freer, more hopeful and more like myself. I've also noticed a reduction in shame and self-consciousness, and I feel more compassionate towards myself and others, which is how I've always wanted to feel."
Claire
"BBB is so so so helpful I can't begin to tell you. I am 52, about to see my youngest off to university, and I can feel the slow yet steady burn of change everywhere. The change I'm seeing is a positive, profound change in thinking and attitude. Thank you for giving someone who has spent her life forgetting what she wants and who she is the opportunity to pause and remember."
Laura
"I felt like I'd been looking for this for a long time without knowing it. BBB goes even deeper than I figured at first, I didn't realise just how big an investment in myself I was about to make. If you have the slightest feeling that this might be for you, I guarantee you that it is."