Therapy for People-Pleasers
Do you hear yourself saying things like: "I'm happy with anything, whatever you prefer" or "Oh it's ok, I don't want to be an inconvenience!"
Do you find yourself overlooking your own needs in favour of making sure other people are happy and comfortable?
And are you losing a lot of time and energy trying to please everyone around you (even strangers)?
...If the answer is yes, it's not just you, but you're probably tired and resentful and ready to do something about it -maybe that's why you're here?
...You may want to get to the bottom of your people-pleasing tendencies to understand why you prioritise others instead of yourself, communicate more of what you need in your relationships (or just work out what that looks like!) and maybe even learn how to set healthy boundaries one day...
Here are the most common people-pleasing themes I work through with clients, and can support you with, too:
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Worrying about what people think: This anxiety can be all-consuming (and exhausting), impacting everything from your decision-making and preferences, to suppressing your real opinions and feelings, hoping that adapting yourself will make people like you.
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Feeling like you don’t know who you are: You may find it difficult to answer some of life’s ‘big’ questions - what sort of work do you really want to do? Do you want have children? And the smaller things - where do you want to go for dinner? What's your favourite music?
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Feeling responsible for people's feelings: Do you swoop in to save people from any kind of discomfort and struggle to work out what is and isn't your responsibility? It may feel as if it's your job to protect your friends, family (and even strangers!) from any kind of 'negative' feeling or experience.
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Avoiding conflict: You may resonate with being the one to 'keep the peace', who mediates situations and dynamics between others, to ensure everything stays calm. You may find yourself nodding and agreeing, or keeping quiet about your needs, feelings or opinions, so you don't 'rock the boat' and things remain peaceful.
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Struggling with boundaries: Do you feel a like people 'walk all over you', and you struggle to speak up and say no sometimes? You may want to learn how to communicate more honestly, but worry about seeming selfish and the impact this may have on the people around you?
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Not asking for help: You may overly empathise with other people's needs, but minimise and overlook your own. This might mean you easily convince yourself and others that you're 'fine' or it's 'not too bad' or find yourself downplaying how you really feel, so you avoid seeming like a burden. It may take you a while to acknowledge that you're struggling and feel like a weakness or failure to lean on others for support.
Therapy is about supporting you to learn about yourself and how to meet your needs, overcoming the unhelpful beliefs and patterns that keep you pleasing others and shifting your focus towards self-care and self-validation. This may include exploring your wants and needs, working on your boundaries or learning new communication skills, so you no longer neglect your comfort and feel free to do what makes you feel good.
You'll learn how to approach your life and relationships from a place of self-trust and self-assurance and find your version of a more authentic and fulfilling life, regardless of what other people think (and without becoming really selfish!)
If you'd like to read more about me & how I work, just click here.
Things to know about starting therapy with me:
Location: All sessions take place on Zoom, or over the phone. I'm based in the UK and I work with clients all over the world; sadly I'm unable to work with clients based in the US or Canada. This is for licensing and insurance reasons.
What's needed from you: For online sessions, you'll need access to the internet (strong enough to watch Netflix) and a device that has a camera (computer, laptop, tablet, smartphone). For phone sessions, a stable signal is essential. For all sessions, it's vital you have a safe, quiet and private space to speak from.
Frequency of sessions: I meet most clients weekly and suggest we meet for at least 6-8 weekly sessions to start, before we review and make an ongoing plan. This allows us to get to know each other and gives us space to explore how best to move towards where you'd like to get to. (If you're interested in meeting bi-weekly, this is something we can explore after meeting weekly to start with).
Fees & availability: I’m available for one-to-one sessions Monday - Thursday during daytime hours. I offer a free 30-minute intro chat and regular sessions cost £90 - £120 (I invite all clients to choose what works for them within this bracket).
A gentle note that whilst your people-pleasing experiences might be your primary reason for choosing to work with me, this is by no means the only thing the therapy can support you with. People-pleasing often makes up just a part of the overall picture of who you are and what you’re experiencing, and you will be welcomed wholly, whatever else you might also choose to bring to our sessions.
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Next steps:
To explore working together, please complete this enquiry form. I will respond to you within a week about my current availability and if suitable, to organise a free introductory 30-min Zoom call.
The call is a chance for you to elaborate on what you share in your enquiry form, ask me questions and for us both to explore whether we feel like a good fit to work together.
If my support feels like it would be welcome, I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Thanks for being here :)