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Welcome.
I'm Elsie - I'm a therapist supporting those who may recognise themselves as 'people-pleasers' (there's more about people-pleasing below). I offer online therapy and various online group workshops and courses. And I share tips and encouragement on Instagram as @the_peoplepleasing_therapist.
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I also work with fellow therapists in a coaching/mentoring capacity; you can click here if that's why you're here.
The people I work with sometimes choose to use the term 'people-pleasing' as a way to describe why they are considering getting some support. Some of this may resonate with you:
Your identity may be formed around being flexible, helpful and accommodating. Who you are and what you like may come more from the opinions and feedback of others than what's really true for you. This might mean that you have spent a long time putting other people's needs and feelings at the centre of your life and as a result, it's hard to identify what you need and deeply uncomfortable to ask for what you want. You might be feeling: tired, resentful, burnt out, anxious...ready for things to change.
Here's the thing:
Your needs matter, too.
Your comfort matters, too.
Your opinions matter, too.
Your happiness matters, too.
And we can gently shift the way we live our lives, so, very gradually, we start to behave in ways that reflect more of our needs and what works for us. I try to encourage the people I work with to think about it less as a 'me first' and more of a 'me too' way of living. So there is still space to be kind and compassionate to those around us, but we are also extending the same to ourselves.
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